10 Crazy Things I’ve Said When Asked The Baby Question

I recently wrote about the five signs of knowing you’re newlywed. One of my points was the ever obtrusive question newlyweds receive about when you plan on popping out kids like Skittles. I feel this is a very personal decision that is between a husband and wife. Disclaimer: in no way am I trying to be disrespectful to all the mommies and daddies who have popped out those sweet angels. I’ve heard it’s the best decision and changes your life for the better. However, I don’t feel the need to discuss when my husband and I will be having kids with the whole world. So to get people to stop asking me the baby making question I’ve responded with absurd comments to make the conversation incredibly awkward and weird them out so they will never want to ask me the question again. I really enjoy saying off the wall comments to people in general and my close friends and family have come to expect this type of behavior from me. However, strangers and acquaintances don’t always know how to respond to me and I delight in their reactions. I don’t do it to be mean spirited and I don’t  mean any of these comments, except for number 10, but life is too short not to have fun with people every once in awhile. Below are my top 10 craziest responses that I’ve used in real life to respond to the baby making question:

  1. “Yeah it would be great to have kids but I don’t think I could go nine months without having a cocktail. I use alcohol to cope with all my life problems so carrying a baby would really interfere with my number one coping mechanism.”

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2. “I starved myself to get a ring on my finger so I don’t want my husband to leave me if I get fat. I did too much work shedding for the wedding to sacrifice it for a baby.”

3. “I heard you lose all your friends when you have kids. I love my girlfriends and don’t want them to abandon me. I think I’ll pass on babies in the spirit of sisterhood.”

4. “My husband would rather travel around the world than have a family. We are living the vagabond lifestyle”

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5. “Have you ever watched Children of the Corn? Number one reason for us not to reproduce in this world.”

6. “The Millennial generation is already so messed up. Can you imagine what our children will be like? We don’t want to contribute to the problem.”

7. “I’m a really selfish person and I don’t want to put another human being’s needs before my own.”

no_kids_2

8. “I need to find a nanny first who will be willing to raise my child for the next 18 years…”

9. “I’m not worried about my biological clock ticking. I froze my eggs at 22.”

10. “The puppies are our lives! I don’t know how we could ever love a child as much as we love Cannoli and Vita.”

Only babies we need for now

Only babies we need for now

Have you ever felt annoyed by the baby questions? If so, please feel free to use my responses at your own risk.

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